Ahhh pregnancy, such a beautiful time. Your little one growing inside of you, feeling his every kick and prod. The excitement and thrill of his arrival growing with each day that you decorate the nursery and fold little clothes.
Also growing with your beautiful baby....your stomach, your skin, your ass, boobs, thighs, hips....oh the list goes on.
Yes, our bundles of joy are worth every stretch mark, dimple of cellulite and sagging...well everything. However, I have realized there are some things that will deflate the 30 something mommy ego faster than your toddler can put a lego in their mouth.
Trying on a bikini- When did this become such a dreaded and horrid event? It doesn't seem that long ago that I bounded into Dillards and grabbed the smallest bikini I could find, skipped happily to the dressing room with thoughts of incredibly tanned skin dancing in my head. I think most mommies will agree they would rather take their kid to the dentist than try on a bathing suit in a public place. It is an exercise in extreme humility which forces me to thank God for creating the internet and online shopping. Wait, was that God or Al Gore? I can never remember....
Watching your skin turn into a roadmap- Laugh lines my ass...they are wrinkles. I don't want my face to be a map of my soul and experience, I want it to be as smooth as a newborn baby's butt. But gone are the taut and firm days of our 20's. Sephora gift cards are now used for eye cream and moisturizer instead of the newest eyeshadows. Taking pictures turns into a Barbara Walters interview of soft lighting and perfect positioning.
Being called ma'am...a lot- Yes it's polite, yes it may be required by your employer but damn it, nothing makes me feel as old as when a 20 something calls me ma'am. Do I look like your Grandma or even your Mom? And if you say yes, I am going to punch you in the head.....
Jeggings and skinny jeans- Everywhere you go these days, you can't turn around without seeing skinny jeans, leggings or jeggings. However, as I discovered recently, nothing will kill your ego faster than jumping up and down in a dressing room and sweating profusely while trying to get on a pair of jeggings Even worse? Not knowing what jeggings were until said trip.
Turning heads...of 50 year old men- Gone are the days of whistling construction workers. Even the weird guys in the car next to you take one look at the car seat and quickly look away. Walking into the bar for happy hour with your boyfriend cut jeans and your ballet flats just doesn't get you the same attention your backless shirts used to garner. Let's face it, someone checking you out that may or may not be your dad's friend isn't really the boost you are looking for.
There is a lot that goes along with being older, wiser and especially having the experience of being a mom. Even though the Wonder Bra turns into "It's a wonder that I can get my boobs this high after breast feeding" bra and the Miracle Bra turns into the "It will be a miracle for my husband if he sees this in the next three weeks" bra.
In the end watching our little ones grow into their own is worth the size 4 jeans gathering dust in your closet.
Like Jack Handy says..."If you drop your keys into molten lava, you have to let them go, cuz man....they're gone".
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