Before and After...

Parenting is defined in the before and after.  How your life was before you had kids and how your life changed after you had them.  What is most amusing on how views change in the after and what you swore you would never do in the before.  Here are some before and after musings....

Before- You are in Target, you hear a child screaming.  You are immediately annoyed as your eyes start searching the store for the red faced little offender. You shake your head in disgust and wonder what is wrong with the parents that "let" their kids act like that in a store. That will NEVER be you.

After- You are in Target, it is your child screaming and writhing on the ground in a record book tantrum over a toy that they HAVE to have.  They deserve it, because clearly they are SO well behaved.  You are desperately trying to keep your face impassive because you know that you are being watched more carefully than the President by the Secret Service.  You calmly but firmly let little Timmy know that you are leaving the store right NOW.  Waiting only until you are in the safety of your car to either dissolve in tears or yell at Timmy.

Before- You have done the research, poured over every childhood development book in the world and you are positive that your darling little angel will NOT be watching television, eating sugar, and of course will never talk back to you because they will know better.

After- Fast forward to year two or so.  You did it, you stuck to your guns.  Little Angel has not watched TV, had any sugar cereal and well, tantrums have been to a minimum. All of a sudden, almost overnight...something changes. You spend every evening after work or all day chasing this crazed demon child.  Their head begins spinning around and you are waiting for the pea soup vomit and the Latin. Your furniture has disappeared under 4 weeks of laundry.  All of a sudden Yo Gabba Gabba and bribe candy starts looking reallllly good.

Before- You are near the end of pregnancy, dreaming of the maternity leave and all of the amazing things you are going to accomplish.  You are going to scrapbook every moment of Junior's life, you are going to learn how to cook exotic meals for your man and you are finally going to clean out all of those closets you have been meaning to get to for the last 4 years.

After- Junior is here and he is beautiful!  You know this because you are blankly staring at his face is a daze for 24 hours a day.  Waiting....watching....gazing. Will he wake up right now?  Will he be hungry?  Will he need his diaper changed? Exotic meals consist of take out and whatever your friends will bring over.  Your sleep deprived mind can't get around to organzing a drawer, let alone a closet.  Finally, as maternity leave wraps up, you realize you should probably get out of your jammies. But on the plus side, you have gotten enough Oprah in to last a full year.

Throughout this blog, there will be a lot of tongue in cheek parenting commentary. Know that I love being a mommy more than I ever thought possible. But  it isn't always a walk in the park, although it is often a trip to the park riddled with "Mommy watch me" uttered no less than 900 times.