So let's see....we left off at me cherishing all of the great things that come along with parenting. Welllll this post may be a bit different. Don't get me wrong, still love my kid with all of my heart but let's just say this train has hit some rough tracks.
With the bumps tend to come ALLLL kinds of advice. And I admit, I am an open book and I have an illness called extreme emotional vomiting. I just need to get it ALL out and vent and cry. When I am struggling, I talk and talk and talk or lately text and text and text. I am assuming those listening are doing so without judgement. However, I have learned the hard way, that's not really how life works. Sometimes people want to help and sometimes they want to judge. With judgement brings a sense of authority...
I do not love authority or being told what to do. I am literally a child trapped in an adult body when it comes to having someone "be the boss of me". I am defiant and stubborn and want to do things my way....um starting to realize where my kid gets it. These traits typically get me into hot water in a few situations.
1. Getting pulled over- I am a total jerk to cops. I get insolent and mouthy, it's like I am begging for a ticket or perhaps to go to jail. Add it to the list of things to work on because I know they are just doing their job and let's face it, I was speeding. And really there are easier ways to get time off work without having to go to tent city.
2. Being micromanaged at work- It takes every ounce of me not to be snippy and tell them what's up. This is only in situations when I am managed badly. I will always respect a good manager and love their mentoring. However, good managers in recruiting are more rare than a candidate that wants less money with crappier benefits. Thankfully I have managed to control this a bit more as I advance in my career. If not, I'm pretty sure I would be working at the dollar store right now. "Is this all really a dollar"? would replace "Hey can you help my friend, cousin, aunt, neighbor get a job"?
3. Parenting direction or criticism- This one kills me BUT only when I don't ask for it. If I am reaching out saying, "help me, what would you do" offer it up baby! But when it's given through no request by me, I don't want to hear it. Either because I know you can't relate to my particularly intense child or you haven't been there yet. I can appreciate people wanting to help but when my child is in full meltdown hysterics and I know it's much deeper than the stuffed unicorn, I don't need "wow, have you tried time outs?" Give me a parent that loves unsolicited advice and I will show you a real life unicorn.
So I have some things to work on but meanwhile we are working on getting this train back on track with the help of professionals. I know in my heart that our struggles now will not be our struggles in 10 years. And yes, I know that 15 will not be pretty. Again, authority issues... so you can imagine how I was as a teenager.
As my amazing friend K says "I'm not that worried if he is kind of a jerk at 4, I just want to make sure he is not an asshole at 18". And that my friends is the best kind of parenting advice ever.
