Mommy Confessions

So I recently read one of the many books out there that talk about the misery of motherhood. I admit that I have read a few of these in hopes of laughing along with the clever mommy banter.  I have found  that once you read one "confessional" about the drudgery of motherhood, you have read them all.

 I recently read "Scary Mommy" when it promised hilarious recounts of being a mom and deep confessions from other mothers around the country.  Once again, I was disappointed to see the same complaints and boring secrets. Only one truly made me LOL or laugh out loud as old people call it.

"I love my teenage daughter but everyday when she leaves for school after rolling her eyes at me, I flip her off once she shuts the door...with both hands." That truly cracked me up because I KNOW I was that teenager and I KNOW I will have one just like it!

My friend and neighbor recently posted on FB about this very thing and people complaining about motherhood and how she couldn't understand it. And this is a full-time working mom that just had her third baby with her oldest just turning five AND she cooks...ALL the TIME! It really made me pause and realize that I am definitely guilty of whining about the tasks that come along with being a mom.

It's a different kind of gossip with other mommy friends. There are times where I find myself trying to out-do other moms with how terrible my kid can be. It's like I have forgotten the years we spent working to have her, the treatments, the doctors, the disappointment.  Don't get me wrong, there are still moments, DAYS where it can feel like a chore but I realized that more than anything, it is a gift that I need to revel in.

So I wanted to share my mommy confessions. Not the ones I tend to joke about with mommy friends, but the ones that I know they share with me...the positive ones.

1. There is no one that I would rather spend time with than my kid. I would (and do) pass up opportunities for movies, nights out and drinks to spend time on the ground playing Barbies or watching Disney.  Besides, red wine goes great with Red Vines and "Beauty and the Beast".

2. Being a mother is the best job I have ever had. Yes, calling it a job contradicts what I am really saying but I do feel like raising a person to be a positive contributing member of society is a job. While I really like recruiting, I LOVE being a mom. My kid would totally be hired all over again.

3. I like being in bed early and don't miss going out at ALL.  Yes, part of that comes from being a total homebody that hates to straighten my hair but a lot of it is motherhood. Hangovers and exhaustion do not go well with loud little voices.

4. There are times that I wish we had a house full of children....and then I sober up. All kidding aside, I am beyond excited to add to our family through adoption and know this is what we were meant to do. But I definitely think two at home, three total is our limit.

5. Being a parent is tough on a marriage but makes it stronger at the same time. Getting on the same parenting page is not always easy, especially when you are almost reading a different book. But in the end...divorced, married whatever, you have a common goal and that is a bond that is forever binding.

6. Motherhood does not require perfection. This is definitely a lesson I am working on.  I am not a type A and perfection is not usually my thing in life but for some reason, I second guess every decision I make and worry constantly that I am doing the right thing.  I am learning, in time, that we do the best we can and in the end, it will work out. As long as my daughter stays away from high plastic heels and her name is never announced on "the center stage", we have done our job.

So there are my deep dark confessions.  O.k so they weren't dark or all that funny but I'm sure when I'm having a less reflective day, I will post the dark side. :)

Chocolate covered crack aka Facebook

This is what happens when you quit FB cold turkey, you begin blogging like a madwoman. :)  Just ask my friend K.  We are staying strong though!

I told my co-workers today that I am two days clean but unfortunately I already fell off the wagon for a few minutes tonight.  I wanted to tell my sister, publicly, how proud I am of her for getting into the teaching program at ASU.  I told her on the phone earlier so why the public announcement?  I wanted everyone to know how excited I am and renting a plane and skywriting to advertise it would have been pretty costly.

I was emailing with K today telling her that I simply post status updates in my head now and she said I should write them all down which may be a good idea.  So to copy her, here is what some of my updates would have said the last 3 days:

My mother in law did great in her surgery today to remove the cancer. She is expected to make a complete recovery and we couldn't be happier.

I love my co-workers, they make working in the movie Office Space totally doable.

Orientation next Tuesday for the foster/adoption process, nervous but excited!

Starting a monthly girl's night out to connect with the cool women in my life, yay!

Wow, I already feel better just doing that.

And of course I would have posted a million pics of my baby girl because that is really why I lived on that damn thing.  So instead I will post pics and links of her here or on my other blog. Why do I have two?  I thought I was trying to simplify...hmm.. Not sure how to combine a "family" type blog with my crazy working mom ranting so for now I may keep the two.  I also have a written journal that I use to write to E so she can read it when she decides at 16 that she hates my guts.

So thank you to the readers (ok all 3 of you) that read my craziness.  I miss my FB friends but am happy to be writing and really reaching out again. However, if I start convulsing or shaking, I will need someone to log me in...stat.

Goals...not resolutions and chocolate rehab

Ahhh the new year is here and of course comes the resolutions.  I am trying not to call them that so I actually stick with them for once. So the list of my GOALS....

1. Quit Facebook- well, take an extended break, or maybe a little break.  You can see how well this one is going to go already. Why quit? With the new year I am making an effort to not only make better use of my time but to be more "present". And let's face it, you can be sitting there with your kid holding a Barbie but if your phone is in the other hand while you look at status updates, then you're not really there. And honestly, it's a chance to really connect with the friends in my life instead of stalking them online. :)

2. Get my ass in shape- I am not reallllly counting this one because I already started this mission a few weeks ago by starting to train for a 10k that we are running on 1/28.  It's a retro 10k so I am looking forward to rocking the side ponytail and sweatbands.  Part of this mission though is to stop eating like crap and that means cutting out all of the SUGAR. Chocolate is my crack so unless someone invents a chocolate rehab or stages a Ghiredelli intervention then that one may fly out the window pretty quickly as well.

3. Learn to live in the NOW- this goes along with the FB goal but I am a person that obsesses about the future and needs to have solid plans.  Adopting from foster care  is one of the biggest unknowns that I can think of so I have decided that it is imperative to take it one step at a time and not overthink every little thing. Not to mention that it drives my husband crazy b/c when I overthink, I talk it to DEATH.  So I guess this goal is also to not drive him to drink....well, drink more.

4. Be the change- Yep, it's a bumper sticker.  In fact, it's now the bumper magnet that is proudly placed on the back of my car.  I am officially one of those people, someone that advertises their hobbies, passions, beliefs on the trunk of their car....sigh.  Anyhoo, I have always believed in the power of helping others.  Sometimes I am great about volunteering and sometimes, not so much. I know I need to cut myself a break being a working mom.  But part of a new year is assessing what is important. I have a least a few hours a month to dedicate to others. And while it may be time away from bug, it will be a teaching opportunity and hopefully something we will do together soon. 

I think that is it for now, I'm sure there are a few more in there but I am already in danger of failing two of the four so I figure I need to keep it short.  So if you find that I am blogging status updates, please just know that it is part of my recovery and that I'm working the steps.

Oh and side note: I have gotten back into reading which is one of my first LOVES and I am reading a great book about women dumbing themselves down.  So check it out if you get the chance.

http://www.amazon.com/Think-Straight-Women-Smart-Dumbed-Down/dp/1593156596/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325564389&sr=8-1

Life in the Big City

"Well that's life in the big city"......those of you around my age will perhaps remember this oh so clever saying.  This flippant quip was typically stated by your mom while you were longingly gazing at the pair of Guess jeans you knew she couldn't afford.  This is also the generation that said good looking people were "foxes" so perhaps we should disregard most of the lingo...

Life in the big city has taken on a new meaning now that I am a grown up and have kids of my own. With a lot of career turmoil in the last year or so, I have had to remind myself that sometimes it's just "life in the big city" and keep on truckin, keep calm and carry on and all those other bumper stickers or quotes on pinterest.

Deciding to return to an office was a tough decision for this mommy. I have had to ditch my comfy yoga pants and don my, sadly ill-fitting, fancy pants. And while I never thought I  would enjoy being back at an 8-5 WITH a long commute, I have been pleasantly surprised.

With any new change are some ups and downs....such is the roller coaster of working parenthood. 

UP- Being around people again! It's nice to have co-workers that don't just wag their tail and pant when you ask them a question.  It's so much more helpful!

DOWN- Having to be ON TIME five days a week.  How do people with multiple children do this?? I am guessing by waking up at 3am or being extremelllllllllly organized. To those that have accomplished this, I bow to you.

UP- Working for the man has it's perks....free bus pass, football tickets, lunches etc. Unfortunately the free food has also contributed to the ill-fitting fancy pants...ugh. Although the free gym will hopefully help that!

DOWN-  Picking up a screaming pre-schooler who refuses to get dressed and threatening to take her to school in her PJ's to be embarrassed by her classmates. Said child finally and reluctantly gets dressed in her regular clothes only to arrive at school to see it is...wait for it....freaking pajama day.

UP- Only having to struggle with a pint sized Mariah Carey diva like 4 year old when the husband is out of town because I can't be bothered with things like hair brushing and breakfast now that I work IN the city and have a BUS to catch.

DOWN- Giving up the school drop off and picking up and not being able to uphold my Joan of Arc martyrdom status as Supermom. With a husband that cooks and cleans it was kind of all I had left to play....damn.

So it's been a bit of a struggle to adjust, for me, my baby girl, husband and my flat iron but we're going to be fine. Anytime I start to feel stressed, the hubs begins belting out "She Works Hard For The Money" by Donna Summer and I am immediately laughing....in between gulps of wine. 

But at the end of the day, working 40 hours in an office beats 60 plus at home any day.  It's very important to fit in as many hours of Barbie and costume changes as possible....after all, I am Supermom. :)

"Why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself?"

I'm sure everyone remembers the "fun" game you used to play with your older sibling or in my case....a 42 year old husband.  The victim sits innocently watching TV or reading when the crazy jokester comes over to take your hand and while smacking you on YOUR head/face with it, taunts you with "Why do you keep hitting yourself, why do you keep hitting yourself"?

It occurred to me today that being a mom is a lot like that super inventive game most likely invented by older brothers. Think about every time you criticize yourself, don't give yourself enough credit and berate yourself over small crap.  You are literally smacking yourself around.  The only thing probably lacking in this daily routine is the maniacal laughing from the hitting yourself opponent.

I have a few examples that I think some may relate to......

"I can't believe I have gained "X" amount of pounds over the last few months, they may as well just slap Hess on my ass and have me haul stuff across country"- SMACK!
      Because going to the gym everyday, working and raising a family is SOOOOO feasible. So you work those drawstring Old Navy shorts sister!

"My kid is going to grow up and resent all of the time I spent working and advancing my career"- WHACK!!
      Right, and I'm sure your kid will totally resent the fact that he didn't get to go to school naked or starve to death when that job bought him stupid crap like food and clothes.

"I suck at everything, I am not doing a good enough job at being a mom or at work"- BAM!
      Child Protective Services will not knock on your door for letting your kid watch one more freaking cartoon.  And the great thing about work (unlike some guys from your single days) it will always be there in the morning.

" I can't remember the last time I wore something sexy or cute for my man"- POW!!
      O.k seriously.....after a 10 hour workday, dinner and putting the kids down he's lucky that you pretend to stay awake.

So ladies, let's stop the silly "keep hitting yourself" game and leave that to your husband that doesn't realize it stopped being funny years ago.
     

And The Oscar Goes To....

Oscar season is over and this post has been floating in my head before that. Unfortunately the annoying things like work keep getting in the way of my list of fun things to do.

As I was thinking about the Oscars, I was wondering what the genres of movies would look like in the life of a mommy.

Action- Racing through a park while your toddler laughs wildly and avoiding your grasp at every turn. You  reach for his t-shirt but he wiggles away faster than than Steven Segal's career.  He climbs up the juggle gym and threatens to jump while you stop gasping as your 30 something heart tries to recoup from the effort. By the time you lunge to grab him, he spins like Jacki Chan and is out of sight once again.

Drama- The tears, the sadness, the devastation....tears are shed, hearts are broken.....or in this case, your child's favorite toy. There is no end to the emotional roller coaster you and your little one are on at this point. You promise her that you will fix it and yes, there is hope in her tear filled eyes. But oh no, you are not able to fix it and you are back on the ride of grief.

Comedy- Almost every day in the life of a parent is comical. Sometimes it is a good Cohen brother movie and other times it's Big Mama. Whether it's a good preschool story that cracks you up or listening to them laugh with abandon, comedy is interjected with every child.  The funniest part of motherhood though has to be the effort we put in to trying to be perfect. It may not be funny now but one day you will look back and laugh at the thought of trying to track down the perfect tutu to take your toddler to a ballet they won't even watch....

Horror- Starting a larger daycare, preschool, kindergarten etc.....there may not be any haunted houses, masked villains or dark woods but there is horror, fear and at times shrieking...usually coming from you.  The boogey man has come in the form of dark, green and almost unidentifiable substance oozing from your child's nose. The cough is more horrifying than Freddy and Jason combined and has made you lose even more sleep. You hear the music from Psycho as you hear yet another call from their room with what you fear is going to require a mop and bucket.

Romantic Comedy- It's Friday night and you are getting ready for your date with the gorgeous man in Marketing from your company....you have been flirting for months while having a lot of silly mishaps along the way.  Ohhh no wait...that's a real romantic comedy. Your romcom involves some pizza and wiping chins. After you finally get the rugrats to bed, your husband gives you "the look" and you mentally calculate how long "it's" been and decide if it's before the news, it's probably a go.

Parenting is definitely not glamorous but it is jam packed with action, comedy, drama and yes, at times horror. At the end of the day, there is no golden man on your mantle.  Instead you are awarded with hugs, laughter and little "I love you's" and you wouldn't have it any other way.

The Mommy Wars- Working Vs .Staying Home and why it all sucks sometimes...

We have all heard the hype, working moms vs. stay at home moms. Is there some truth to this battle? Maybe...I for one think this is a disagreement that is publicized to once again pit women against eachother. Do some working moms look down on stay at home moms because they "don't contribute to the household income"?  Absolutely. Do some stay at home moms judge working moms for "letting daycare raise their kids"?  Definitely.  While being any kind of mom is the best, both staying home and working can suck.....

Stay At Home: While at home with 3 kids, you find herself in the middle of 3 consecutive snow days. The house looks like there was a natural disaster...inside. Whining has become the official language and you have wondered more than once about how much your darlings would fetch on Ebay.  Your husband comes home, looks around in disbelief and asks what you have done all day?!?

At Work: Dashing around in the morning with one heel on while your toddler screams for another Dora and refuses to eat breakfast. Meanwhile your Blackberry is already ringing and the demanding emails have started coming in at 7:00 a.m.  While dropping baby off, she cries and begs you not to "weave" her at "skwool". Sunglasses are promptly placed over welling eyes while you return calls on the way in. You race out of a meeting, which you managed to botch to pick up a kid that doesn't want to go home.

At the end of the day, we all have the same goal...to be the best mom we can. Some women have to work, some choose to and both are fine. Some do everything they can to stay home and go without to do so, and that's fine.  Not trying to be preachy but it's in all of our best interest to keep judgement away and think of the difficulties of both choices.  Because they are choices, not "sides".